Arrogance vs Confidence…PFFFF…

Have you ever been called arrogant? Have you ever been on a wild high of continual success and feeling like there is no turning back? The feeling of just going to be good times from here on out?

I, like everyone else, have my good days and my bad days. I also have my streaks and my ruts. The question is:

How do people perceive you when you are on a high, a winning streak that is flowing and no one can touch you?

My experience that I will share with you comes from a networking event where someone told me that I was “Arrogant” (this happens often especially with girls).  I almost stuttered in my response but not because I was offended but because I didn’t know why the person would through that out. What possible reasoning would a person have to make such a remark when they don’t even know the other person they just met?

As I started to do a memory dump of all the possible reasons, I stopped myself and responded with… its confidence… smiled and continued with… I do things right…

How can someone believe that someone else is arrogant without getting to know them firs? Is this a loss opportunity? I think so! Understanding that the two can be confused is one thing, not trying to learn the difference is another thing, which I conveniently call ignorance.

Let’s face it. Running a marathon is fun and games until you start doing well in it. Then you start to boast about how awesome it is and once you get committed you boast about how you have become so good at it and maybe it is time for the iron man. You start to give advice and spew confidence of all the right things you have done to improve.

Is this arrogance?  I think not!

Best example I can provide is with the resent success of Ray Lewis and the Baltimore Ravens. Look at the success this man has had. He pushed and pushed his team to victory.

Moral of the story is… there is a difference between the two. If you are confident don’t shy away when someone calls you arrogant. There is a list of things we can say to these people who assume you are arrogant. Fact is, confidence will prevail in how you conduct yourself.

I don’t live life to the fullest… what should I do?

Recently had someone ask me the question, “I don’t live life to the fullest, what should I do?” and quite frankly didn’t know how to answer. So I have pondered it for a while and here goes. I asked what is it that they need right now in their life and they said “enjoyment”. The following question was simple to ask but hard to answer… what does enjoyment mean?

I realized over the past few years that life is simple. Life becomes difficult when we get stuck in this process of emotional un-attachment to our inner selves. We want something but how do we get it especially when we don’t know what it is we want.

What about Soul Searching?

I think not! I don’t believe in this process of searching for one self’s inner being. I don’t believe in searching for something that we don’t know how to find. Why? I am a logical, realistic person who believes that life brings you to events based on previous decisions. I have sat and pondered while doing the whole soul searching adventure and I realized until I try things out I won’t know what I like.

So what did I recommend to this person?

Make a list of things you don’t want to do… and simply don’t do them (Just like the commercial).

Focus on doing anything but those. Opportunity arises for something, ask yourself:

Is this something I don’t want to be doing?

The simple fact is that if you know you won’t want to be doing it then it won’t make you happy to be doing it. So how can you live your life to the fullest if you continually do stuff that you don’t like to do?

Getting rid of these will immediately change your life.  Trying new things involve patience and time. If you are in a place where you don’t want to be, change where you are by moving to something that isn’t on your list of things you don’t want to be doing!

Confidence in Math

Rather shocked when I meet people who can’t do basic math without the iPhone. Rather shocked that people can’t be confident in school, work, etc. when doing math. Is this a characteristic we picked up when we were young?  As we grew up did we realize that math either sucked or for some of us was rather fun?

I still go into schools to substitute and it is always a common occurrence to meet students who say they hate math and then see other who are working to get every question completely answered.

When do I convert people into believers of math? It comes at a time when I can relate the math to money or any kind of added value to their daily tasks.

So, I start showing smart math. Smart math is rather simple. It is math that enables one to understand basic concepts and at the same time do things quicker.

The process involves learning how to break down fractions faster, convert decimals to fractions, add, multiply, divide faster, etc.  By doing this they start mastering key math processes that start to become easier without them realizing it. Giving the basics a general walk through always entertains the non believers as they learn something of value that never settled in their head in the first place.

So why not google “Smart Math” and do an hour a day. Who knows, if you are in school you may get better in math and if you are a business owner you may get better at closing deals.

The NIKOS: the third person approach!

Are you a regretful person? Do you regret a lot of things you do? Sometimes they torture you? Pardon the French but do you ever say to yourself: “#@?! was I thinking?”

I used to! I think everyone does. Don’t have stats on it but I am pretty sure everyone I talk to has had that moment and if you haven’t, come for a coffee and quick chat and I will make sure you say it… the question is why? Why do we get into these situations?

Simple: it’s the EMOTION!

Your emotion controls many decisions in a given day. From what you wear to what you do, where you go, how you say things, what you say, and so on. Emotions guide us and if you read up on the brain, emotion is a part of our decision making process.

So what’s the cure? Well there is no cure but we can create a behavioral process to lower the average amount of times you get into a regretful situation. How you ask?

Simple: Talk in third person!

Nikos is the best! Nikos rocks! Nikos, Nikos, Nikos… NO!  I don’t mean this!

Third person approach is much different. It is an art that is developed over time! You must take your time learning the technique. You put yourself in a baby step learning process.

The third person approach works like a charm when engaged in any situation where a decision will be made and emotion is part of it.

Examples include, should I buy something? Should I go to sleep? Should I do my homework? Should I spend time with a person I don’t like? Should I be getting advice? Should I, Should I, Should I…

When making critical decisions to problems, I use this process (replace with your name):

  1. Calm yourself down with a coffee or something that relaxes you
  2. Analyze the problem analytically
  3. Calm yourself down again by forgetting the problem
  4. Create the options that exist to the decisions
  5. Say:  What is the best decision here for Nikos? Nikos, it is best for you to… because… and you will not regret it for the following reasons, Etc.
  6. Write it down to have the why of your decision handy
  7. Remind yourself that you made the decision for the reasons…..
  8. DONE!

Try this for a few months… it will be hard but the advantages will change your mood. You will be happier in every decision you make. You will become a decision making GURU…

How did I come about this?

When running your own business situations come up where you need to make a critical decision. Sometimes you can get advice and sometimes you can’t. This process came about when I thought to myself, WHAT WOULD I RECOMMEND TO A CLIENT?

Magically the decision to use third person was an excellent choice… Simply put, AWESOME!

 

 

Don’t be Stressed, there’s no POINT!

I don’t know about you… but I haven’t had a full stressful day in years…

Why?

Simple! I don’t worry about things that may or may not happen. I get the deal? Great! I don’t get the deal? Great! Move on! Kinda like dating, no?

I see it this way:

  1. Opportunity comes
  2. Make a choice on it
  3. Win/Lose situation occurs
  4. Smile/frown
  5. Repeat

Why?

This is life. You can’t win everything and you can’t lose everything. I would say it is more like baseball and batting averages. Today you have a tough pitcher on his game and tomorrow you don’t.

In the stretch you should be succeeding or you are definitely doing something wrong. If that’s the case, consult with someone! Find a mentor or a friend that wants to listen to you and will help you find a solution (note: someone in the field of fixing things).  I have people from all industries around me. I strive to keep them close.

How many friends do I have? Well that’s a based on your definition of what a friend is.

In reality, you need to become self aware. You have no friends and you have no one around you; only those who need you are around! But you need them and you are sharing services… use what is available and build on what you have to get what you want.

Stress leaves when you realize that you are who you are and things come as they come. Accept that you are in a rut and figure out a way to change what is causing the rut…

Bank called? Great! Girl/boy called? Great! Business partner, client, employer, landlord, and so on? Great!

Something is wrong let’s figure it out! Find out what you need fixing and move forward in your journey. After all no one is better nor worse than you!

Fact is I don’t stress. I don’t worry. I just wonder and my mind leaves into the abyss.  When it comes back, work is done, the problem leaves and I am back in the game!

 

 

Sensitive Much

Sensitive Much?

Sensitive Much

Sensitivity… Its a bitch!

You ever work with someone who is over sensitive? Don’t know how to deal with it? It comes with experience but I wanted to give a quick example and a solution of steps to try that work with me.

After working with a member on my team I realized that the person valued how “smart” they were. They valued being the smartest guy on the team. Rightly so they were the smartest in their own domain. Everyone has different skill sets that they excel at and being the smartest all around doesn’t always apply. What happened over and over however, the person would get upset with anything and anyone who tried to show him something that he didn’t know.  What I realized however, that a pattern was emerging. Steps I took:

  1. Started following the pattern
  2. Analyzed what was said and how
  3. Developed the timing and situation
  4. Came up with different solutions and tested them
  5. Analyzed them and Voila

What we realized is that he wasn’t getting upset over him not being the smartest, he was upset over how we said. The tone and words that were used.. I am a direct person and will tell you straight to the face not worried about how you feel. Why? This is how I was raised and this is how my culture is.

So I started working with sensitivity words. These words included “we”, “let us”, and so on; words that were group mentality, words that avoided the “you are not that smart” feelings.

Sensitivity is a big issue both in the work and social life of everyone. I have my theories but will leave them for another article. The point is that you can’t afford to not accommodate these scenarios. People by nature are negative and by this thought we need to focus on avoiding sensitive dialogue. By this I mean becoming aware of any sensitive words that a person may take differently and have a mood swing that ruins productivity for the day.

Jimmy Kimmel on Negativity... Problems and Positive (ness)

Negativity – Society Norm to Avoid by Deflecting with Positiveness

Jimmy Kimmel on Negativity... Problems and Positive (ness)

Jimmy Kimmel on Negativity… Problems and Positive (ness)

Had a thought: I am not negative but everyone who says I’m negative is truly negative. How did I come up with this? Well after several years of reading a whole bunch of books on every religion, spirituality and emotional intelligence, I realized that society has started this new vibe of being “POSITIVE”, and wow is it ever bad. Here is how I see it:

  1. Someone comes into my life and I’m pretty happy with everything.
  2. They start feeding me their garbage about how happy their life is but really it is not… (We live in a country that breeds “Live to Work” mentality)
  3.  I listen to their problems and realize that they have issues but by this point it is too late. I am sucked in.
  4. I say something that is causing me anguish
  5. I am labeled as negative by this person

What is interesting?  These people full of negativity try to be positive, wasting all their energy on a process that eventually fails. They suppress their emotions and hold everything in attempting to be positive. The break eventually comes… my frustration is dealing with people who tell me I am negative…

Example: I have no money in my account and I’m bitching about it because my clients are not paying me… response, bro don’t me negative!

Really? That’s being negative? That being realistic! I am actually asking for help in this scenario. One aspect of this help is that I want someone to listen and the other is that I need a solution. What happens though? People see this as negative. I will tell you what negative is in my eyes:

  1. Starts with someone thinking they can’t do something.
  2. They try in a mediocre way and they fail.
  3. Then they try again in the same way and fail again.
  4.  They repeat and bam! They are in a loop.
  5.  They don’t try to change the loop and it just continues knowing they will keep failing!

How do you deal with negativity?

Well firstly you need to understand whether you have a problem with something or not. If it’s a problem and can be fixed easy… then fix it. If it is a problem that continually arises, then you have this “negativity” that will start to build.  It is not the problem you have to fix but the process you are in that creates these similar problems.  Analyzing the process is not simple and generally needs you to dedicate a lot of time! So be patient, breath and keep going!

The Nikos

Nikos Blog? What is it and why I write!

The Nikos

I am Nikos. I am strong and brilliant and have a strong sense of who I am, what I need and what I want. This being said, I know a lot about myself and I am continually learning about life! I am most intrigued by people around me, who they are and what they do, and so on.

I look at things differently than others and I always wonder why. I have a thought process different than most and I believe I am lucky to have an opinion in a country where I can shout it out!

My life has not been on a straight road like some and has not been on a zigzag pattern either. It has been filled with great and bad times where I wondered why am I lucky to have this happen to me (noticed I said lucky on both the good and bad).

I am neither a positive person nor a negative person. I see life as is and searching for acceptance. I have beliefs in God, the universe and all that is mighty. I also believe in human nature hence, my opinion gets distorted between what is and what isn’t right on a society level. Some say I don’t care. Some say I care way too much.

The blogs of Nikos are written to show the people who read it that life is not status quo, life is not your own world, life is not what everyone says it to be.  I see things that beg the question “Why?” and I look to answer it.

My process is simple, if it is stupid (irrational) then I will write about it. I hope one day that the stupid (irrational person) will read it! My views are not to harm anyone and are not meant to ruin society’s norm but to question (feeling like Socrates here).

My writings are written as I think. They will be written to influence and to help people who want to change. People who want to live. People who want to believe in a better world that is freedom!

I will make spelling mistakes, I will make language mistakes (after all not my first language) and I will often say stuff that is out of line. Don’t be alarmed it is normal. If you think I am yelling, it is just my passion coming out. If I say try something, don’t take it literally and then come back complaining (or suing). I hold no responsibility. I am not responsible for you what so ever. In fact no one is. It is all up to you… if you want to debate me, perfect! That’s what I want, a good conversation questioning the norm!

Also, look at my postings on presentations, services, companies and more… I am here to help, coach and mentor people

Check out www.satnermobile.com www.satnerhosting.com www.satner.com www.siliconw.com and www.liveappdesign.com for more information on my work!

That being said let’s start!