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Arrogance vs Confidence…PFFFF…

Have you ever been called arrogant? Have you ever been on a wild high of continual success and feeling like there is no turning back? The feeling of just going to be good times from here on out?

I, like everyone else, have my good days and my bad days. I also have my streaks and my ruts. The question is:

How do people perceive you when you are on a high, a winning streak that is flowing and no one can touch you?

My experience that I will share with you comes from a networking event where someone told me that I was “Arrogant” (this happens often especially with girls).  I almost stuttered in my response but not because I was offended but because I didn’t know why the person would through that out. What possible reasoning would a person have to make such a remark when they don’t even know the other person they just met?

As I started to do a memory dump of all the possible reasons, I stopped myself and responded with… its confidence… smiled and continued with… I do things right…

How can someone believe that someone else is arrogant without getting to know them firs? Is this a loss opportunity? I think so! Understanding that the two can be confused is one thing, not trying to learn the difference is another thing, which I conveniently call ignorance.

Let’s face it. Running a marathon is fun and games until you start doing well in it. Then you start to boast about how awesome it is and once you get committed you boast about how you have become so good at it and maybe it is time for the iron man. You start to give advice and spew confidence of all the right things you have done to improve.

Is this arrogance?  I think not!

Best example I can provide is with the resent success of Ray Lewis and the Baltimore Ravens. Look at the success this man has had. He pushed and pushed his team to victory.

Moral of the story is… there is a difference between the two. If you are confident don’t shy away when someone calls you arrogant. There is a list of things we can say to these people who assume you are arrogant. Fact is, confidence will prevail in how you conduct yourself.

I don’t live life to the fullest… what should I do?

Recently had someone ask me the question, “I don’t live life to the fullest, what should I do?” and quite frankly didn’t know how to answer. So I have pondered it for a while and here goes. I asked what is it that they need right now in their life and they said “enjoyment”. The following question was simple to ask but hard to answer… what does enjoyment mean?

I realized over the past few years that life is simple. Life becomes difficult when we get stuck in this process of emotional un-attachment to our inner selves. We want something but how do we get it especially when we don’t know what it is we want.

What about Soul Searching?

I think not! I don’t believe in this process of searching for one self’s inner being. I don’t believe in searching for something that we don’t know how to find. Why? I am a logical, realistic person who believes that life brings you to events based on previous decisions. I have sat and pondered while doing the whole soul searching adventure and I realized until I try things out I won’t know what I like.

So what did I recommend to this person?

Make a list of things you don’t want to do… and simply don’t do them (Just like the commercial).

Focus on doing anything but those. Opportunity arises for something, ask yourself:

Is this something I don’t want to be doing?

The simple fact is that if you know you won’t want to be doing it then it won’t make you happy to be doing it. So how can you live your life to the fullest if you continually do stuff that you don’t like to do?

Getting rid of these will immediately change your life.  Trying new things involve patience and time. If you are in a place where you don’t want to be, change where you are by moving to something that isn’t on your list of things you don’t want to be doing!

Don’t be Stressed, there’s no POINT!

I don’t know about you… but I haven’t had a full stressful day in years…

Why?

Simple! I don’t worry about things that may or may not happen. I get the deal? Great! I don’t get the deal? Great! Move on! Kinda like dating, no?

I see it this way:

  1. Opportunity comes
  2. Make a choice on it
  3. Win/Lose situation occurs
  4. Smile/frown
  5. Repeat

Why?

This is life. You can’t win everything and you can’t lose everything. I would say it is more like baseball and batting averages. Today you have a tough pitcher on his game and tomorrow you don’t.

In the stretch you should be succeeding or you are definitely doing something wrong. If that’s the case, consult with someone! Find a mentor or a friend that wants to listen to you and will help you find a solution (note: someone in the field of fixing things).  I have people from all industries around me. I strive to keep them close.

How many friends do I have? Well that’s a based on your definition of what a friend is.

In reality, you need to become self aware. You have no friends and you have no one around you; only those who need you are around! But you need them and you are sharing services… use what is available and build on what you have to get what you want.

Stress leaves when you realize that you are who you are and things come as they come. Accept that you are in a rut and figure out a way to change what is causing the rut…

Bank called? Great! Girl/boy called? Great! Business partner, client, employer, landlord, and so on? Great!

Something is wrong let’s figure it out! Find out what you need fixing and move forward in your journey. After all no one is better nor worse than you!

Fact is I don’t stress. I don’t worry. I just wonder and my mind leaves into the abyss.  When it comes back, work is done, the problem leaves and I am back in the game!

 

 

Smart or Smarter?

FACT: everyone thinks they are smarter than the other! Why waste that time worrying about little things in life? When working with someone do you find it frustrating that a person is acting like they know everything but you seem to do all the work? While working with a client and a few of his partners on a consult, I realized that they had a big problem: “No one valued each other’s intellectual ability”

Fact is they didn’t trust each other. Big problem don’t you think?

I was standing in a typical example of a person not respecting the other thinking they were always right and always smarter. This applied for each of the partners on to each other… further this, it trickled down to the whole team of employees! Thought I was in Ramsy’s Kitchen Nightmares…

What did we do? We had a session on what everyone is good at looking at their strengths and weaknesses. Surprisingly, they all had both segments. What a relief.

We started talking all together and analyzed the opportunity cost for each person’s time spent on what the other was doing, trying to make it better or redoing work. The ROI on everything was causing them to be so inefficient that they were latterly bleeding their wallets dry. Further that, they had given up on the business and wanted to end it.

The process was simple:

  1. State what you are good at and what you like to do, then focus on it
  2. State what you are NOT good at and what you DO NOT like to do, then simply don’t do it
  3. Mind your business over a period of 3 to 4 weeks while everything is being monitored
  4. Analyze the performance in a meeting
  5. Figure out a solution and implement it if required

Point is that we spend too much time in other people’s business. We spend too much time trying to fix the other instead of trusting them and helping them develop that skill… Trust is crucial especially in a growing company. If there isn’t any then it must be developed or an exit of one person must occur.

Communication Change in the Corp Word

Communication Change in Corp World

Communication Change in the Corp Word

Communication Change in the Corp Word

 

We have all been involved in large organizations. We have all witnessed what it is like to work with others in a massive team. We have worked the jobs at the bottom of the chain and also the ones at the top. Various understanding of how to deal with people exists and it is usually based on previous experience, culture, society norm, and so on.

What I noticed while working with some big corporations, is that people tend to stick to what they know. They don’t like change and certainly not anything that will compromise their job/career. It is intuitive that they follow procedure.

Does this make or break a corporation? Well startups are in a different position. They are able to create a different culture and develop new approaches to their work flow. Usually this can give them leverage over bigger companies and giving them an opportunity to grow faster and capture market share.

So how does communication come into play? The basis of any working model should require a proper communication flow; a way for a team to develop and grow constructively. What happens next? The interesting process of corporate politics enters the arena and when you have new technology… fireworks are always expected.

While at the bottom of the chain working the entry jobs, I would suggest great tools, great flows and really, anything that would limit the amount of time it would take to get responses back. Moving up the chain and learning the tricks of the trade I would start suggestions with proper presentations and proof of efficiency. This proved to be beneficial. The interesting portion however, came from different management.

Focusing on the successful ones, they integrated culture change. Culture change is always difficult, with all the politics, procedures and what not else that exists in a large corporation. The effectiveness of being able to make the change always brought success in the implementation. If this was not accomplished, the opposite occurred, where by efficiency dropped and the projects felt the ramifications of limited culture change.

Sensitive Much

Sensitive Much?

Sensitive Much

Sensitivity… Its a bitch!

You ever work with someone who is over sensitive? Don’t know how to deal with it? It comes with experience but I wanted to give a quick example and a solution of steps to try that work with me.

After working with a member on my team I realized that the person valued how “smart” they were. They valued being the smartest guy on the team. Rightly so they were the smartest in their own domain. Everyone has different skill sets that they excel at and being the smartest all around doesn’t always apply. What happened over and over however, the person would get upset with anything and anyone who tried to show him something that he didn’t know.  What I realized however, that a pattern was emerging. Steps I took:

  1. Started following the pattern
  2. Analyzed what was said and how
  3. Developed the timing and situation
  4. Came up with different solutions and tested them
  5. Analyzed them and Voila

What we realized is that he wasn’t getting upset over him not being the smartest, he was upset over how we said. The tone and words that were used.. I am a direct person and will tell you straight to the face not worried about how you feel. Why? This is how I was raised and this is how my culture is.

So I started working with sensitivity words. These words included “we”, “let us”, and so on; words that were group mentality, words that avoided the “you are not that smart” feelings.

Sensitivity is a big issue both in the work and social life of everyone. I have my theories but will leave them for another article. The point is that you can’t afford to not accommodate these scenarios. People by nature are negative and by this thought we need to focus on avoiding sensitive dialogue. By this I mean becoming aware of any sensitive words that a person may take differently and have a mood swing that ruins productivity for the day.